I’m honored to have contributed the topic for this week’s assignment for The League of Extraordinary Bloggers:
In the spirit of Young Indiana Jones, Young Frankenstein, or Young Einstein, come up with a “Young ___” prequel or series.
I won’t lie, I dig anything dealing with the adventures of younger versions of well-established characters, whether it’s Young Indy, Young Einstein or the time-honored classic James Bond, Jr. (He wasn’t even 007’s son, he was his nephew! Paternity test, anyone?). If for no other reason than making Yahoo Serious a household name, these types of series are fun concepts to see unfold. Thus, thinking of this assignment, there was only one character I know of who deserved this Benjamin Button treatment.
starring Kiefer Sutherland as Young Jack Bauer
**The following highlights take place between 9 AM and 3 PM. Events occurred back in the day in fake blog time**
- 9:30 AM: During third grade arts & crafts time at David Palmer Elementary, Young Jack Bauer runs out of red crayons while drawing a picture of a wounded zebra for his father. He asks little Ryan Chappelle for his red Crayola, but Ryan says he has to think it over first. Young Jack yells out “DAMN IT, THERE ISN’T ANY TIME!!!” and proceeds to scrape Ryan’s elbow with safety scissors, making him cry…
- 12:25 AM: During recess, Young Jack eyes a few of girls in the school yard who are playing under a tree. Little Chloe, Audrey and Michelle are playing tea party with their various Barbie and Cabbage Patch Kids dolls. Young Jack requests that Chloe brings him a VHS of all of the past month’s episodes of Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye tomorrow. Chloe says no, but ends up in tears as Jack confiscates her baby Kim doll and destroys it by feeding it to his pet cougar.
- 1:45 PM: Due to his various trouble-making incidents throughout the school day, Young Jack Bauer has to sit in the corner facing the wall while the rest of the class enjoy sing-a-long sessions with the music teacher. During this time, Jack notices that the music teacher is singing with a slightly Russian accent and that he resembled a KGB agent that he once saw on an episode of Get Smart. Slipping a note to his good friend Tony Almeida to create a diversion, Jack somehow escapes corner captivity and takes down the Commie minstrel with a few well placed kung fu kicks to the shins. He cracks open the guitar on his head (Honky Tonk Man style) to reveal what he had suspected all along… the music teacher was trying to smuggle in Sentox nerve gasinto the school!
- 3:00 PM: The bell rings, ending the school day. As the kids all pile onto the bus to head home, Young Jack sits alone in the back row, looking out the window. As Young Chloe comes over to take the seat next to him, she notices he’s staring at some little girl waiting for the next bus. Chloe tells Jack that that’s “Nina Myers” and proceeds to tease him about having a crush on her. Without batting an eye, Young Jack says “no, but there’s something about her I can tell is gonna be trouble“. Jack then orders Chloe to find him all 24 issues of Alpha Flightto bring to school the next day.
To be continued in future episodes…
The Newsboy Years
The “You got two choices” years
The “Sleep all day. Party all night. How are those maggots, Michael?” years
The Flatliner Years
The “Blaze of Glory” Years
Well, that’s my submission for this week’s edition of The League of Extraordinary Bloggers. Like what you’ve read? The comments are further down the page, add yours!