Count Eddie Munster, Cute Bunny and Blaquaman [The League]


I’m late (again) in completing this last week’s assignment for The League of Extraordinary Bloggers:

Remember when Halloween was a big deal? I mean, a BIG deal? What was the most legendary costume you ever wore? What would you dress up as this year?

Well, I’m gonna share with y’all three costumes and a bit of a story. Prepare to be AMAZED!

Count Eddie Munster & the cute bunny

Picture it… Brooklyn, 1988… EU’s “Da Butt” was the hottest hit on the airwaves… Michael Dukakis just got nominated to run for the Democrats…  & Classick is invited to his first ever middle school Halloween party

Man, listen… I was cised (D.C. slang)! Up until then, I had spent every Halloween either going door-to-door for trick-or-treat or playing the hooligan and tossing eggs at city buses and lighting bags of poop on fire. One of the most popular kids in our class, Roberta Hamilton (name changed to protect the… you get the idea!) gave me an invitation to a “Fresh and Fly Halloween Costume Party” at her house. For 7th grade, this was the big leagues. An actual “adult” Halloween for once, I was going to be hob-nobbing with the middle school elite!

http://www.free4allcity.com/wallpaper/graphics/dracula_wall.jpg

Count Dracula… I was gonna have to fight off the honeys with this dope costume!

Mom helps me pick out a costume. We hit up the mall, I believe it was Kay-Bee Toy Store, and buy a Count Dracula costume kit. Mind you, this wasn’t just some black towel and ketchup packets, this was the REAL DEAL! It had the fancy dress shirt, the bow tie, a swanky vampire medallion, the Count Dracula cape with the super sharp collar, and here’s what made it OFFICIAL– it had the fangs, a vial of fake blood to put on  them AND a vampire makeup kit. OK, so it was basically powder to whiten your face and some eyeliner, but for 13 year old Classick this was THE SHIT! Mom and I proceed to fix up this sweet costume and on that brisk October afternoon, I was Dracula!!

OK, this is really Blacula, not Dracula… cism!

That is… until I get to the party…

As soon as I arrive no more than ten minutes after rolling through, meeting and greeting other guests, doing my “blah blah blah, I vant to bite your neeeck!” schtick and showing off my vampire bat prop, here comes Roberta (again, name changed to protect the insensitive) and she goes “Hey, who are you supposed to be? You look like Eddie Munster!” Wait, what….??

I dress as a vampire, she calls me Eddie Munster… Crushing blow!

Rather than express the outrage that current-day 30-something year-old Classick would have now (EDDIE MUNSTER IS A WEREWOLF! I’M A VAMPIRE! I HAVE BLOODLUST! C’MERE, I’LL BITE YA!) I immediately get dejected and slink away ashamed. All that work, all the preparation, all the sitting in a chair getting my makeup put on like Rick Baker hooked up Michael Jackson for them Thriller video shoots for nothing! Now mind you, I’ve always had the freakishly sharp widow’s peak (genetics, baby!) and I was a little skinny dude in white-face, so the mistake was natural to make, but still– I had a cape! and fangs! and blood! and crazy cool medallions!

Enter the bunny…

The following story would nowadays read like a Craigslist “Missed Connection“, but remember I was 13 so here it goes…

As I’m hunched over by the punch bowl in full “woe is me” mode, I notice something odd. A pink furry ball is just sitting there on the floor right in front of me. I look around– everyone’s talking and dancing and music is blasting loud, so I figure no one notices this thing but me. I go over to pick it up and as soon as I start to examine this soft fuzzy pink ball of fluff, someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and there she is…

How I’d imagine she’d look today.

My word!! The cutest girl I’d ever seen in all my 13 years of age dressed in a pink bunny costume is standing behind me with her palm out, asking for her tail back.

Naturally, the behind smoothest of the smooth vampire that I am, I start to stutter, mumble and somehow was able to manage a “Hello” from all of it. We exchange awkward small talk and longing glances for a few minutes and all I could think was I’d love to kiss this girl (remember I was only 13!)– a lot! Hell, I even poured her some punch and showed her my bat! (not what you think). Impressed and enchanted, it all came to an abrupt end as she said she had to go and waved goodbye to me. Just like that, I was left alone and lovestruck.

Determined to find out who this enchantress was, I went around the party asking questions to anyone who’d listen–

“Who was that girl in the pink bunny costume?” “Do you know who the pink bunny was?”

Most everyone was oblivious to what was going on and gave me a look like I was hallucinating. One kid even asked me if I had too much punch to drink! I pulled him by the collar a la Michael Keaton yelling “I’M BATMAN!” and told him to cut the shit (or the 13-year old version of that phrase) and made him talk. He tells me that he isn’t sure, but Roberta knew her.

I’M BATMAN! Now, where’d that cute bunny go?

Roberta proceeds to reveal to me that the mystery bunny girl in question was her cousin Keri, who lives in another town. After asking 20 more questions, I found it near impossible to get any more info out of her. And as Roberta was known to do, she proceeds to spread all over school the next week that I was infatuated with Keri the bunny. Mind you, in the 80’s, Keri was also the most popular brand of skin moisturizing lotion, with ads all over TV at the time. So for the next few months, I was greeted in the middle school halls with this familiar catchphrase:

“Keri… is so very!”

as a symbol of my lost love.

Blaquaman

Kinda like this guy, only I’ll do a few more pushups…

Real quick, my costume idea for this coming Halloween is simple… I’m going as the world’s most disrespected superhero, The King of the Seven Seas, Aquaman. BUT since I’m black and not dealing with the white make-up again (learned my lesson), I’m putting a spin on it and dressing up as Blaquaman. Not much additional thought is being put on this– I may grow a beard, I might not. I may get a dredlocks wig, I might not. I may crack a few ethnic jokes about how long my stroke is underwater or something about shrinkage, but basically this is to bring awareness to the most awesome superhero in the DC Universe not to have a movie or TV show actually air about him.

2012: The Year of Blaquaman!

I know what you’re thinking.. why not the latest Aqualad, who is black? Why not Black Manta, who’s also black? To that I say HOW DARE YOU?!! CISM!! Open your minds to Blaquaman, he is the next great thing turned black in the tradition of Blacula, Harvey Dent, Nick Fury, Blacgyver and The Honeymooners.

***

Well, that’s my submission for this week’s edition of The League of Extraordinary Bloggers. Like what you’ve read? The comments are further down the page, add yours!

halloween masks

Also, check out these other awesome entries from fellow (and lady) League bloggers.

 

P.S.:

one more time with the age simulated bunny costume, just because….

Ahhhh yes… thank you, Naturi…

About classickmateria

Brooklyn native. Podcast host. #ColdSlitherPodcast Comic book stash owner. #Twitpicyourcomicsstash Old school hip hop fan.http://classickmaterial.tumblr.com

Posted on October 8, 2012, in Other Stuff, The League and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Poor Aquaman. He gets no respect. But LMAO @ Blaquaman!! I wanna see some pics if you do dress up this year.

    This whole post is precious and I found your tale of unrequited love for pinkbunnygirl so relatable. What is it about those preteen years that makes every little experience feel so magnified? I wonder if word ever got back to Keri from “Roberta” about your obvious interest, and what became of it. Could Roberta have possibly been jealous that you took an interest in her cousin and not her? Could she have spread that story around out of spite? Am I over-thinking this??

    And I remember those damn commercials!! Stupid kids gonna be stupid.

  2. Why aren’t there more comments on this? This was perfect! I even took a honeymoon break to read it and I was not disappointed.

    I’m glad to know you’re still excited about Halloween. I need to have a kid or something, ’cause the older I get, the fewer shits I have to give about Halloween. When you’re young, it’s all about the candy. Then, when you hit the teen years, it’s just pranks. Then, from the late teens to adulthood, it’s just alcohol-related mistakes and Slutty Christmas. I just wish Halloween could go back to its original, true meaning: worshiping good ol’ Satan.

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